Haven’t you heard this cliché, “You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.” How true is that saying. I understand the idea, if she was a hoe before you married her, she will continue to be a hoe afterward. Could there be something to that idea, something more that a guy just not wanting to be embarrassed by his promiscuous wife? There is a science behind this loose behavior for both men and women. Let’s talk about our messenger chemicals.

Meet dopamine. Dopamine is our reward chemical. Dopamine is that one friend that will hype you up whether you are beginning a new business venture or falling over drunk on Las Vegas Blvd making a fool of yourself. While dopamine makes you feel good, dopamine has ZERO boundaries. It is not in dopamine’s job description to draw the line between positive and negative choices, it is only dopamine’s job to reward your behaviors. Participating in “lit” behaviors may make you feel good, but hopefully at this point in your life, you will know your limits.  One thing that dopamine rewards you for in a big way is sex. Now, let’s think back to younger you….some of us have to think longer than others. The younger the brain started being rewarded for sexual behaviors, the more one will seek to be rewarded through sexual behaviors and, sometimes the riskier the sexual behavior, the more dopamine will reward you.

Next up in our chemical meet and greet is oxytocin. Oxytocin is more a female friendly chemical, it is important to sex and bonding. Oxytocin helps with intimate touch, sexual intercourse, labor, and nipple stimulation for breast feeding. There are far more technical explanations but this is the very watered down version of its functions. Let’s focus on touch and sex. Intimate when women have physical contact with a partner oxytocin helps that woman desire more touch; more touch leads to more bonding. Oxytocin is a small contributor to why we have that one friend that can’t leave that no good man alone or that friend that ALWAYS seems to have a man around. I won’t go one too much about that one. We’ll save that for another day! Moving on. Oxytocin gives us the desire to bond physically with others. This is why physical touch is so important in relationships.

Last is the male chemical, vasopressin.  Vasopressin helps men to bond with his significant other and his children. Vasopressin is sometimes called the “monogamy molecule” (I don’t know who’s calling it this but it cool). Vasopressin and oxytocin are alike in some of their functions. Men too can become victim to this chemical and get caught up in an unhealthy relationship. That homeboy that says, “I don’t know man, I just can’t leave her alone.” Yep, his vasopressin has him all caught up.

What does this mean for the promiscuous soul. Jumping from relationship to relationship, sex partner to sex partner, DOES have an affect on your ability to bond with your partners.  As much as some would like you to believe that these loose sexual behaviors have no consequences, it’s simply not true. Knowing what we know about brain development, it is fair to state that the earlier in life the promiscuous behaviors began, then more affect it has had on the individual.

Don’t fret, all is not lost. Believe it or not, this vary subject was covered in the bible. As a matter of fact, God TOLD Hosea to take a wife of whoredom. Yes, it’s true! Men have been turning hoes into housewives FOR YEARS! This is not new! But please, in the interest of understanding this word in context, know that God warned Hosea about the promiscuous behaviors that his wife you be involved AND commanded Hosea to go and love his wife again. This would be an example of God’s love for His people. I’m not suggesting AT ALL that you turn a blind eye to your partners indiscretions. I am saying that forgiveness is possible.

This takes us back to the original question, can you turn a hoe into a house wife. I’ve seen it several times on my TL! What I would like you to also consider is how your sexual behaviors may be contributing to your ability to bond or not bond with your partner. Before we put into play all of these expectations that we have for a partner, one must assess their own behavior. In reality, we should be careful to judge others. The bible tells use that we become one with those we lay. Rather than asking your partner about their body count, ask them about their ability to connect with others.

P.S. For a better understanding of this text please read the first couple of chapters of Hosea. I like the New Living Translation. Also, Hooked by Joe Milhaney Jr and Freda Mckissic Buch was referenced within the text. Photo by William Stitt on Unsplash

Yours Truly,

Ms. Jackson